Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm still here, putting it all together

I'm still here...

I did a ton of binging (haha) and self-sabatoge lately. I have balooned up to 151.6. I know better. I think I'm going to join a support group for binge eaters or something.

I ordered a lot of new workout DVD's and I bought 20lb dumbells and a medcine ball. While my eating has sucked, my workouts have really gotten great. I'm really going to focus on eating better this week. I know the workouts and eating have to both be in place. Once I combine the two, that's when the magic happens. I'm not giving up on myself.

That's my history. I've always been doing one or the other right. The only time I had any serious success in weightloss is when I was anorexic/bulimic. I know I won't/can't go back to that.

My youngest daughter was approved for disability. I had to fight for my middle one, so it was a breath of fresh air to just receive a check for the youngest. I was prepared to fight, but it's nice not to HAVE to.

My work is starting a biggest loser contest next week! I'm going to kill the competition :-)

This video is only 1 and 1/2 minutes long. It's what I needed to hear right now.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Angry, Sad, and Proud

I'm such a furry of emotions today!

Well, first the good news. Last week I lost 4.6 pounds! I think that's truly amazing, and I stand to be out of the 140's next weigh in on Friday! What a crazy thought...I almost didn't think I'd get there. I did have a binge last night, but I am learning a lot about myself. I was ANGRY and SAD and didn't eat enough protein or drink enough water. I set myself up bad.

Yesterday a friend of our family was killed. By their son. I used to play with him when we were little. Yesterday he shot his adoptive father, his step-mother, and his step-sister. I am so ANGRY at him. He's 26. He didn't have to be around them if it was that bad. I'm just, I guess, in a state of shock.

Here is a link to the story.

I can't make sense of the whole thing, and I guess that's good. If I could understand doing something like that, maybe that would mean I might be a person somewhere inside me who is capable of something like that.

Off to read the blogs I follow. Let me tell ya, if you're looking for motivation, they are IT.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Wow! I really need to post more!

Work has been so crazy! They trained me on EVERYTHING last week. That's good, because they know my goal is to be a supervisor. It looks like I could be THERE in March too! Wow, March 2009 has some serious potential for me!

This weekend (last night) was the first night in a LONG time I didn't binge while the hubby wasn't home. When I got tired, instead of eating for energy, get this, I got some sleep! It might sound small to some of you, but these habits are very hard to break, and I'm damn proud.

This coming week I'm going to beef up my workouts. I'm going to add in Jillian's circuit training. She kicks my ass, and I know it works. I've lost 5lbs in a week using her DVD's before, but I get scared. Sometimes I panic when I push myself that hard. I know it's worth it, though, and I'm glad I have the blogs I've been reading as some inspiration. Many of you are training for competition on the stage, and that is so amazing! I read Oxygen competition footage like it's a drug. I'm just so impressed and inspired!

You all are so right with making this a lifestyle. The competition part of it is getting beyond crazy for 12 weeks. Seeing how far I can go. I want this to be permanant, not the crazy part, but the healthy part lol

This week the food part of the challenge (she gives us stuff to work on each week) was to eat every 4 hours. I pouted! I'm good with working out, but I always hated being told when or what to eat. Well, after some soul searching, and faking it til I make it, I discovered something about myself. I'm in a very Christian neighborhood, and an interfaith marriage. As a Kosher-eating Jewish woman, my husband in a fun-loving way picks on me for not eating pork. He'll even argue that it's irrevelant now, because pork is safer then it was in those days... I didn't think it bothered me that much, but it really does. Being Jewish is a part of WHO I AM. I can be proud of that fact, and not care what everyone else thinks. Eating every 4 hours is a healthy way to eat, not a restricted or someone else's way. Plus, it has helped a lot with the sugar cravings. It also helps with that little feeling of panic when I wonder if it's "dinner time" or being "normal." What is normal anyway?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

What am I getting myself into?

I know it's going to be hard, and crazy, and lord knows what else.

I've joined a competition. It's a weightloss/fitness competition.

It ends on March 31st.

My goal is to weigh 115 at the end of it, and that is about a 30lb loss. It's going to be grueling, and I know I'm going to be a bitch some days. I need to do this, though. As I sit here using a nebulizer, I know my asthma gets much better when I am in shape. My sex life gets better when I am in shape, too. My hubby says that we are intimate more when I workout consistantly.

I've been working out just fine, but my diet needs some serious tuning. I'm completely addicted to sugar. When I don't want sugar, I want white pasta. I'm still not sure if that is due to a form of depression. I know that it increases serotonin in the brain.

I'm hoping that by starting this blog, I can work these things out while taking this competition by STORM! I'm going to post my diet here (not detailed, just the number totals of calories, etc...) I'm also going to post my workouts. I don't go to a gym, I workout at home. It has been my experience that you can get into excellent shape at home. I have tons of workout videos and equipment. I'm pretty poor, so that is my option. There is no way I can afford to go to a gym, much less hire a trainer.

I'm going to weigh in in the morning, and seriously kick some ass. :-) Sunday's are supposed to be my workout day off, but I've decided to walk on Sundays. Walking isn't strenous enough to cause over-training.

I'm going to go browse some blogs now. I'm going to leave you with a video of my idol...and the person running this competition. If all goes well, who knows? Maybe someday I will meet her... :-)